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How did being ‘cool’ come to mean harming yourself and others? - Marin Independent Journal

What does being “cool” even mean anymore? From the time we start kindergarten to when we graduate high schoo,l we build statures of where people stand and who the “cool” kids are.

It used to be who could run the fastest in elementary school or who had the most friends because you were “popular” if you were friends with everyone. In middle school, cliques were starting to be nurtured but in high school, things got out of hand. High school is a cesspool of hormones and teens combating each other to make themselves seen as “cool.” But why? When did “cool” and “popular” go from being nice and being friends with everyone to anorexia, drug addictions, eye rolls and small cliques where everyone in it hates each other?

As a high school student, I have seen firsthand the cruelty and the fakeness billowing from every concrete step and plastic desk of high school. School is where people go to learn, but instead it is seen as a social corral where moody teens judge one another’s every choice, every step, every breath.

Our minds are in a very impressionable phase of our lives and instead of learning about communicating, working with others,and self-worth, we are getting socially scorned for wearing a pair of jeans we like, cast out for trying a new hairstyle, and learning to hate and destroy our bodies to be “cool.”

But is being “cool” really worth waking up in the morning with a pounding headache from the night before, belly begging for something to eat just to be ignored, tirelessly fixating yourself to be someone you’re not until you don’t even recognize the person looking back at you in the mirror?

I look around at all the people I call my friends and see bones poking at the skin trying to break free. Black puffy bags lay under their eyes dolloped in makeup. Smiles that once painted their faces have faded to a mere scowl. Permanently tattooed on their faces are defense mechanisms they put up: judging eyes, frowned lips and sinking skinny features.

These people used to be bright and vibrant. Known for their clever eyes, toothy smiles and big red pumping hearts. The idea, the pressure of being society’s “cool” has changed them. From people excited for their futures to people excited about small high school parties and drama.

Coming from a private middle school to an enormous public high school, I didn’t know many people and definitely didn’t know all the rules and mazes. Positivity was radiating off of me when I first started. Eyes glossed over at the opportunities and freedom high school offered. By the end of sophomore year I feel dimmed, less unique and drained of my self-worth. I and so many other kids come into high school bright and confident — glasses half full — and come out like a wick burned to its last crisp, tired and unmotivated.

Trying to be someone you’re not is exhausting. Trying to get through high school with the badge of honor of being “cool” is relentless.

What does being “cool” really mean? To me being cool means you carry empathy on your sleeve. You smile at people who walk by. Talk to people even if they aren’t considered cool. Being cool means you grab adventure by the hand and ride different perspectives like a glossy ocean wave.

People should not have to change themselves to feel like they matter, like they are worth being talked to. To me someone is always worth talking to, because to me being “cool” means simply showing kindness and compassion.

Emmy Mercy is a Mill Valley resident. IJ readers are invited to share their stories of love, dating, parenting, marriage, friendship and other experiences for our How It Is column, which runs Tuesdays in the Lifestyles section. All stories must not have been published in part or in its entirety previously. Send your stories of no more than 500 words to lifestyles@marinij.com. Please write How It Is in the subject line. The IJ reserves the right to edit them for publication. Please include your full name, address and a daytime phone number.

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How did being ‘cool’ come to mean harming yourself and others? - Marin Independent Journal
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